Updated: Jun 12, 2020
I’ve been practicing yoga for 9 years and let me tell you, there have been so many times when I’ve quit it and never wanted to return and I know there are many more to come.
But that’s really the beauty of yoga; it understands when you breakup and it respects you even more each time you return. There are never any hard feelings; just love and acceptance. I have learnt so much about myself on my mat but I have learned just as much, if not more, off of it.
Each time I return there is a new fire within. This fire makes me ask different questions and dig into the dark shadows of my self in a new way. When I was younger, I would get really annoyed with myself when I would stop doing yoga or take a break. I was never kind to the reasons behind it. I didn’t try and figure out the root of what was holding me back.
As my practice becomes more authentic and true, I am learning to be kind to where I’m at physically, mentally and emotionally. I can now look inward and see what’s truly going on and why it is that I don’t want to be on my mat. I’m starting to see the beauty in the breakup. Maybe there’s a demon I haven’t wanted to confront until now or maybe there’s a truth I’ve been too stubborn to see. Then taking that step back and allowing myself time to sit with whatever it is has becomes more therapeutic than surrendering to my thoughts and emotions on my mat.
Teachers have always said things like, “We’re really opening our hips in this pose and that could allow a lot of emotions to surface, let it happen and allow the emotions to flow”. That has never been for me and I thought something was wrong with my practice when there was never any emotion showing up in hip openers or during the longer holds. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I’m learning what it is that I need in order to let my thoughts and feelings surface and what it is that I need to do to allow them to wash over me so I can truly deal with them.
Take time to learn what yoga is to you. Don’t be frustrated or self-doubting when a teacher says things that aren’t ringing true to you; you’ll find your truth. You’ll figure out where the emotions are stored, if any, and how to surrender to and release them in your own time and way. That is what I learned when I walked away from yoga time after time.
Be well & Live loud