Why Most of us can Relate to “Liability” by Lorde.


Sasha Freemind on Unsplash

The words aren’t really anything new but her voice—as she sings the lullaby of the strong, wild woman—is haunting.


She captures what it is to be too much in the most heartbreaking, all-too-real way.

“Says he made the big mistake of dancing in my storm”


Too often, our wild hearts and gypsy feet have been deemed too much. We love too hard, too fast. We feel things at the deepest capacity because we just can’t do surface level. Our lovers seem to get drunk off the beauty and magic when things are good…but the hangover that follows when we’re not “on” isn’t worth the high.


They love us at our best and run when we’re feeling our worst.


“They say, you’re a little too much for me

You’re a liability

You’re a little much for me

So they pull back, make other plans

I understand”


It’s not just lovers—it’s friends and acquaintances, too. People around us seem to walk on eggshells when we’re not exactly the way we were on the first day they met us. If we let our masks slip, even just a little, the questions and distancing begins.

Slowly but surely, the fair-weather folks begin to fade because we’re showing our true emotions or we’re opening up about something going on in our lives that makes us seem a little less desirable. We’re no longer the easy-going, cool chick.


“The truth is I am a toy that people enjoy ‘Til all of the tricks don’t work anymore” 


How often have relationships fizzled out after the initial honeymoon phase has lost its spark?

It happens as soon as the reality sets in that we too have anxieties, bad days, and mood swings. It’s not that we hide them from others to trick them into staying—we’re actually just as happy and excited as they are in the beginning because everything is new and fun. We’re full of energy, surprises, and love because they’re bringing it out in us.


But when the bad days do happen—and they will—we can’t let them blur out all the good times. When all our “tricks don’t work anymore,” please don’t throw us away and deem us broken or damaged. We need the people who can stand strong and stay by our sides. It takes so much energy to be as wild, free, and full of life as we are.

Rather than run when we’re having an off day—or five—lay with us and tell us all the ways in which we’ll be okay and how we’re going to get through this.


“So I guess I’ll go home Into the arms of the girl that I love The only love I haven’t screwed up” 


Over the years, we get all too used to people leaving and pulling away. We decide we’re better on our own. It’s easier, safer, and it doesn’t hurt as much. We build our walls higher and more sturdy because we know we’re not too much for ourselves and we’re happy in the confines of the home we’ve built around our hearts.


We’re happy flying solo, answering to no one, and letting our free spirits soar.


This time alone is the most crucial though, especially for the ones they deem too much. Our time alone allows us to solidify our foundations and truly discover who we are and what we want.


“We slow dance In the living room, but all that a stranger would see Is one girl swaying alone Stroking her cheek”


By dancing on our own, we learn the most about our souls.


Yes, we learn how we move when we’re dancing under the sun on a beautiful day to our favourite music. But we also discover the ways our bodies move as we dance in the rain when the storms are threatening everything we’ve built.


Dancing on our own teaches us when to lead fiercely but also when to surrender control and soften into the strength of another. It allows us to understand the difference between losing ourselves in the passion of the moment and losing ourselves to someone else. We begin to value our wildness wholeheartedly; we celebrate it rather than hide it for fear of being too much.


Because we’re not too much.


We’re just too much for those who can’t rise up and meet us where we are. We’re too much for those who haven’t spent time discovering themselves and building their own foundation.


We’re too much for the wounded who may not be ready to feel real, unconditional love.


We’re too much for those who want to swim on the surface, avoiding the depths of true emotion and the beauty of growth.


And that’s okay.


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Liability - Lorde


Originally Posted on Elephant Journal

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